On keys, doors and opportunities…

My ten year old daughter has just started walking to and from school by herself. This is a real nail-biter for me but, two weeks in, I’m getting much better at not rehearsing all potential disaster in my head as she’s en route, and I feel proud that I can trust her to handle this responsibility.

The decision to let her go was mostly based on my faith in her generally being sensible and trustworthy. But it was a decision I was unlikely to have taken without her having petitioned for it, persuading me that she was ready and equipped to go out into the world without a chaperone (gulp!)

We marked the occasion by getting her her own key cut, and it struck me that not only can she open our front door now, but also her new-found independence will be the key that opens metaphorical doors for her too.

But what about her feelings on this? After the success of her campaign for freedom, she needed to believe her own hype and actually walk to school by herself. She knew she could do it, as I knew she could do it, but those first few days were pretty scary for the both of us. Now that she’s done it several times, her confidence has grown considerably (and I’m much less jittery around 3 o’clock!)

And isn’t this the case in our lives as adults too? So often, we see a next step – maybe a promotion we want to apply for or a big client we want to work with – and, after a deep breath, we set about selling our talents and doing a pretty neat PR job on ourselves. What we are saying is true, of course, but often there is doubt and fear there too which we conveniently edit out when faced with a panel of interviewers. When we have succeeded in convincing our audience of our positive qualities, we have to start convincing ourselves too. And that starts with proving it by getting on with the job in hand. Then we grow into our new roles and prove ourselves worthy of our ‘new keys’.

Seeing an opportunity outside of our comfort zones and going for it is how growth happens. Sure, it’s sometimes scary having the responsibility of ‘new keys’, but stepping out into a bigger role is great for self-esteem and the esteem that others hold us in. Not only that, but our ‘new keys’ open up a myriad doors that can take us further.

Speaking of which, my daughter is now pushing for further freedom. We’ll have to see about that, but one thing is certain – she’s proved herself worthy of this new responsibility, both to herself and to us as her parents, and that has been a real shift for all of us. She has the key now, and she can open the front door. But her new independence will be the key that will open doors of opportunity for her future.

What’s your next challenge? Want some help in going for it? What keys will it give you and what doors might they unlock? Contact me and let’s plan your next move.

01903 244747 claire@straightforwardcoaching.com

Life lessons from a five year old on wheels

The other week, I went roller skating with Richard and the kids at a brilliant place called GYSO in Shoreham, set in a disused Parcel Force depot.

We were all rather wobbly on our feet, but Trinity (5) found it the hardest going. However, she was determined to get round the rink, to do it mostly on her feet (and not her bum!) and to do it in style. Her tenacity really impressed me, and she came out with a few comments that I thought were rather pertinent to life in general and an Onwards and Upwards blog post, so here they are:

• “How does she do that?” she asked, marvelling at her sister gliding along. Without pausing, she then followed on, “I know, she just DOES it, doesn’t she?” ‘Just do it’ has been the famous Nike slogan for an aeon. But that’s probably because its strength is in the simplicity of its message – don’t faff about, don’t question yourself, just bloody well get up and DO IT! Captured here by a little scrap of a girl in massive roller boots.

• “I’ve done it once, and that means I can do it twice!” she announced on completing her first lap of the rink. It can be good to sit back and relax after an achievement, but sometimes it’s a golden opportunity to strike whilst the iron is hot and capitalise on the momentum you’ve created.

• “I think it’s easier when I just look at where I’m going and don’t think too much about how I’m doing it.” Similar to the first one, but I thought it showed some great insight. It’s so easy to get so caught up in the ‘hows’ that we lose sight of the bigger picture – the place we want to get to. To get there, we need to keep focused, and not be looking down at our feet, so to speak. This is also the philosophy of Mike Dooley, author of the fabulous ‘Notes from the Universe’ (if you don’t already subscribe to these daily nuggets of email wisdom, Just Do It! Now! ;-D)

• (Having lunch at a cafe a little later): “I think I deserve a cake after all that hard work skating.” A girl after her mother’s heart. Don’t forget to recognise your achievements and celebrate them in some way, calorific or otherwise…

So, are YOU looking ahead at where you want to go, wobbling on your wheels or getting up after a crash landing? Want your wheels oiled, your path smoothed, or a refuel? Give me a call! 01903 244747 / 07929 764162

I give up!

It’s the first day of Lent today and, whether or not you are Christian, Lent has become a traditional time for ‘giving things up’.

But why?

OK – here’s a very quick RE lesson (please bear with me – there’s a more secular point to this!): Lent commemorates the 40 days that Jesus spent fasting in the wilderness, preparing for his death and ultimate resurrection. During this time, the devil came to him and tempted him to relieve his suffering in various ways, including turning stones into bread. Christians generally ‘go without’ to a greater or lesser extent to mark this time before Easter.

Society in general has also taken this up, with many people giving up things such as chocolate or wine for Lent, without any religious meaning. A sort of second-chance New Years Resolution, if you like, with a more achievable duration.

I’m personally interested in the ‘temptation’ bit. Because, after all, that’s what stops so many a good intention in its tracks. All temptation is – really – is a distraction from what we really want (long-term) with a short-term, easy pleasure. Think diets and chocolate, productivity and Facebook, exercise and the sofa…

Turning stones into bread when you’re starving and have the necessary Son-of-God touch would have to be a pretty massive temptation. But Jesus had a bigger picture in his head that enabled him to say no to the short-term (very attractive) distraction.

So there’s two strands here:

1. having a clear and attractive big picture/goal/target/vision, and
2. avoiding the short-term distraction (temptation)

Have YOU got a big picture you’re working towards? Remind yourself of it daily. Get excited by it.

(Not got a big picture? Give me a call – let’s get you one!)

What is it that usually tempts you away from that big picture for an easy, short-term pleasure? Is it, in retrospect, worth it? What can you give up, or cut down on that would lessen the diversions in your journey to what you really want?

Oh, and a couple of useful points to note:

1. in the spirit of keeping things light and being your own best friend, traditionally Sundays don’t count during Lent, so it’s not completely cold turkey on your guilty pleasures…
2. rather handily, it’s Throw Out Thursday tomorrow (and every Thursday) on the Straightforward Coaching Facebook page, so why not come and share what temptations you’re ejecting from your life, and get some support and accountability whilst you’re there?

So… what will YOU give up this year for Lent?

Want some help with this? Give me a call on 01903 244747 or drop me a line at claire@straightforwardcoaching.com.

PS I wrote another blog about Lent 3 years ago. It’s here, if you fancy reading it.

How to ‘win’ Christmas and still be smiling mid-January

Love it or hate it, there’s no way you can ignore Christmas. From mid October, we are subject to a constant slew of advertising messages, telling us how perfect our lives will be if we would only buy X, and how happy and fulfilled our kids would be if they received Y under the tree this year. Even the most grounded amongst us will admit to an occasional wobble if they don’t have a roaring log fire in an oak-panelled room with an 8 foot tree, a table groaning with homemade mince pies and mulled wine, children fit for the John Lewis ad, the perfect present bought and wrapped for everyone, snow billowing against the windows and an organic, corn fed monster of a turkey roasting in the oven…

…and… breathe!

Here are some tips to surviving – and enjoying – Christmas and for starting the New Year as you mean to go on:

November – December

• Take the pressure off yourself. Chances are, it won’t be like it is in the adverts. But that’s someone else’s idea anyway. What’s your version of the ideal Christmas? Take time to think about your own favourite Christmas memories. They’re probably mostly not gift related. Write them down and think about what made them so special. How can that be recreated? It might be about time spent with people, not money spent on them, for example.
• Delegate! There isn’t a big medal for doing everything yourself, so why not share out gift buying, card writing, present wrapping, house preparing and cooking tasks with your partner, children or even guests? That gives YOU the chance to enjoy yourself too, and (most!)people generally like to feel helpful. It’s no fun being a Christmas martyr, and no fun being around one either.
• Use the internet. Yes, the idea of carefully selecting personal gifts whilst wrapped up in your snuggliest woollies in a snow-dusted Christmas market is a beautiful one. But often the reality is trudging along a drizzly, grey, overcrowded high street, grabbing whatever 3 for 2s haven’t sold out yet. So make yourself a list, pour yourself a drink and investigate what’s out there in cyberspace. You don’t have to stick to the old favourites such as amazon – try folksy.com for handmade, unusual items, or get experience vouchers from redletterdays.co.uk. You can even club together online with friends or family to buy a special, bigger gift at shareagift.com.
• If you’re looking for an innovative and inspiring gift, how about giving a voucher for my Rock Your Resolutions mini course? 😉
• Keep costs down but creativity up. Challenge your friends and/or family to spend just £5 on each person’s present. You can trawl your local charity shops, put together little hampers of sweets, or knit them a scarf but it has to be under that fiver! Fun and frugal.
• Look after yourself. There’s so much rich food and alcohol going around at this time of year, and that’s great, but don’t overstock your house with it so that you end up eating it constantly. Buy in some treats, for sure, but remember that dates and satsumas are as Christmassy as chocolates. And brisk walks in the fresh air will boost your mood. You’ll feel so much more energetic, as well as giving your body a better chance of fighting off any bugs going round. And you’ll be very glad of it in the harsh light of New Year’s Day morning…
• Make space. Christmas inevitably involves a large influx of ‘stuff’, be it presents or visiting in-laws(!), so now is the perfect time to have a clear out in preparation. And if you do it early enough, you can make some money from your clear out on eBay to go towards the present
  fund! Why not join in a Throw Out Thursday on the Straightforward Coaching facebook page to get some support?

January

• Pass on unwanted Christmas gifts with love and gratitude; don’t hang on to them with guilt. Exchange them, sell them or give them away, but don’t let them take up space in your house or your head.
• A new year dawning can bring on the post-feast guilt like nothing else. But, however much of a good idea it may seem, don’t start a full-on detox on New Year’s Day. By all means cut back on the treats and up the fruit and veg count, but too big a change too quickly is almost  always doomed to failure. Make your good intentions sustainable.
• Dark and chilly evenings or rainy January weekends don’t have to be a dead loss. Times like these are perfect for batch cooking warming soups and stews or baking bread. Bung them in the freezer and they’ll be ready for you whenever you want a healthy, homecooked dinner but you just don’t have the time or the inclination to cook from scratch.
• New Year is famously a time for resolutions and new beginnings. That’s great, but remember it can also be very dark and gloomy too so don’t be too hard on yourself with the turning over of new leaves! Be realistic and give yourself some time – see the whole year as a work in progress and don’t expect to be totally sorted by January 2^nd. Join in on my Rock Your Resolutions mini course and set realistic, exciting and achievable aims for 2012.
• Get out whenever you can. Fresh air, however chilly, will make you feel better as it blows away the cobwebs. Walk or cycle instead of taking the car for short journeys – you’ll feel better, look better and save money too. Result!

Keep it real and be kind to yourself throughout the run-up, the event itself and its aftermath. Have fun, and remember it’s just another day to be lived from your heart, not stage managed to an anonymous ad-man’s fickle prescription!

Cheers!